i believe in a thing called ska

Last night I fell in love with 5 people simultaneously.



I know I'm too old for this but I wore my super-special checkered shoelaces to Call the Office for a Johnstones show. I spent the entire time bouncing off 14-year-olds in the mosh pit, flicking my hair around to the offbeats. I was drunk. It was awesome. Please don't judge me.

how to eat like a child

I want to run screaming in no particular direction.
I want to trade my snack pack for dunkaroos at recess.
I want to cry hysterically because my mom is late picking me up from gymnastics.

I want to collect grasshoppers in margarine containers.
I want to play cat's got the measles, red rover or british bulldog.
I want my pogs and marbles back, please oh please.

Everybody longs for simpler times, I guess.

boys are back in town

Mirit lets herself in and hands me a present. It's a bright red swirly pipe. She says it's a gift to commemorate my graduation, move to BC, birthday (in 3 months) and general awesomeness. Neato! I say thank you with a smile and get down to business packing a bowl.

PS: Earlier that day I had a pseudo-date at Williams and lent out both Streetlight Manifesto's Everything Went Numb and Suicide Machines Destruction by Definition (ska combo!!) but there's no time to recap in detail. He was cute and awkward and knew things about Japanese punk bands.

Cool, whatever.

Anyway, we mission to Darwin's new place and watch snippets of Snakes on a Plane but decide milkshakes at Prince Al's are more palatable. Mirit says an extended goodbye even though she'll be back for Coheed in a couple weeks. At 3 AM Chase arrives (he took the midnight bus from Windsor) and I show off my pretty new smoking device.


This time he packs the bowls while I zone out watching old episodes of Aqua Teen. We converse enthusiastically but his jaw hits the floor when I ask him about his new girlfriend. Whatever he was sleeping on the couch anyway; I pass out at 5 AM and needlessly suggest $5 breakfast in the morning.

Work all day, Chase picks me up at seven. I hang out with his whole family, they tell me stories about a grinning, 5-year-old Chase shitting his pants. I drink wine and canned Coors, then it's back to my place for an extended predrink. Cheebo meets us there for a session. Not that you care.

Arrive at friend's house party by one(ish), chugging rum and coke from a 2L bottle. Some sort of "crackergate" has occurred which somehow sours the mood. Order pizza on the way home; Chase takes the couch one more time. No tears, no drama, just blissfully drunken unconsciousness.

Next day we're camping near Dorchester.
I have to work 5 til 9, but they make me stay at the campsite until 4:20. Sigh.

Arrive at the record store completely ripped. There is a television show being filmed in the mall, so audience cheers and theme music echo throughout the halls. Two hours til close. My manager (who is also a drug dealer) packs me a fresh bowl, hands me his pipe and tells me to enjoy. I do so, on some steps near a dumpster. The rest is kind of surreal. Or something.

Back at the campsite, bonfires and beerpong matches go on foreverererer. I start chugging rum straight to catch up with the crowd. Conversation turns to masturbation and socks. Chase and I are the last people standing, and since he "forgot" his sleeping bag, I let him sleep in my car. He calls me "babe" and I tell him to fuck right off.

The next day I find out Tony is in London.
I meet him without sleeping or showering.


In the span of 24 hours we: play Boggle, get stoned, watch Flight of the Conchords, have sex, get stoned, play Dr. Mario, sleep, eat scrambled eggs with cut-up hot dogs, get stoned, watch Lars and the Real Girl (awkward), get stoned with Darwin, watch Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle, eat Indian food at Curry Garden, watch Harold and Kumar Escape from Gitmo at Rainbow Theatres, sleep and have sex.

He says he's coming with me to Vancouver, I tell him that's a bad idea.

I walked him to the bus station this morning.

riding the fourth wave

There are 23423u4932 books random people have recommended to me and yet the moment I step into City Lights Bookstore I forget every single title and/or author. Please oh please somebody refresh my memory.

(Mirit I'm looking at you for at least 3 titles).



In other news it is chilly outside, but not quite hoodie weather. I went to class for twenty minutes then walked most of the way home. Boring. I feel bad for my new roommate because she's witnessed my cat morph into a psychotic, squirrel-chasing, ankle-biting monster over the last week.

I guess he's pissed cause the other cats moved out and the weather's been so nice lately. So, for about 4 hours a day he stands at the door and cries and paws at the handle until finally you scream "FUCK OFFFFF" and open the door. He'll inevitably dart out and meow indignantly until you're all "WHATEVER I HATE YOU TOO."

I'm going to be an awesome parent one day.

wasn't meant to be

It took me 3 tries to roll the joint I am currently pinching between my lips.



Usually I would say if you fail something twice you should stop trying immediately because it's just not meant to be.

However, I've never been one to take my own advice.

add me on skype: huskerdudette

tony says:
hey
you mysteriously disappeared last night

SARAH says:
i did not
skype stopped working
i got your text though

tony says:
well it was mysterious to me
i thought a ghoul or a goblin must've got you

SARAH says:
nope, just the usual drunken unconsciousness
i can't find my glasses :(
hopefully they didn't move with all darwin's stuffs

i like skype, it's fun
you're my only skype friend though

tony says:
the usual, haha
maybe the ghouls and goblins took your glasses

yah skype's pretty cool
i'd do it now but..
im not wearin anything
i just got outta the shower

SARAH says:
:O
scandalous

tony says:
how does it fell to say you may have left something at "darwin's"

SARAH says:
well bob, it fells awesome
:p

tony says:
lol
yah right
you probably miss her already
i bet all my life savings that you're even gonna go see her today

so you owe me 20 bucks if you see her today

SARAH says:
yo, today is her housewarming/birthday party
i'm going to see her.
wizard of obvs :p

tony says:
$ for me
lol, wizard of obvs
i like it
might have to steal it
maybe instead of owing me the equivalent of all my life savings, you can owe me...the rights to "wizard of obvs"

SARAH says:
i'm not sure if i made it up
in came up in a conversation with ashton
i dont think ashton made it up

i'm going to google it
there are 3 google results
apparnetly i cant click on them because they may harm my computer
laaame

hey jealousy

Vices I should kick (or at least cut back) before I move:

• alcohol (every day is a little much)
• energy drinks
• energy pills
• facebooking (especially self-creeping)
  
• checking blog stats
  
• the internets in general
  
• ex-boyfriends
  
• jealous plotting
• mooching (pot, food, rides, etc)
• saying "word"
• post-bar nachos
• $5 breakfast
• Aqua
• Dr. Mario and/or Guitar Hero

Then again, what fun would that be?

money, where are you?

Are these half-assed weekly recaps getting stale yet?



Monday:
Short shift at the record store.
Bittersweet last date with my comic book lover.
Made stir fry, smoked joints and watched Across the Universe.
He was sad; I was sad; we hugged it out.

Tuesday:
Sleepy morning kisses were interrupted by moving vans.
Wasted the day away smoking more joints and fending off tears.
Afternoon Dr. Mario and predrinks.
Filthy Brass Door shenanigans including tequila and whiskey shots, awkward suicide rumours, "stolen" coats and beer pitchers, and post-bar nachos.

Wednesday:
Guitar lessons with Chase.
Milkshakes and chilli fries at Prince Al's.
Talked the whole way through Baseketball.

Thursday:
Loooooong record store shift.
Smoke joints under black lights with some youngin's.
Amateur Pink Floyd jams and even more amateur Rock Band session.
Too tired for Molly Blooms and/or Jarhead.

Friday:
Repainting mumsy's living room.
Four hour shift; listen to In Flames and discover Dethklok is playing a show in Toronto.
Porchclimbers and highschool reunions.
Minimal drunken ex-boyfriend drama.
Pass out wearing my shoes.

Saturday:
$5 breakfast.
Habs lose the hockey game; a reason to get shitfaced.
Badass Sledgehammer show at the Wick.
Giggle while an ultimate metalhead singer curls up in a Curious George blanket while watching Rambo: First Blood.
Eat burgers and pass out with nine dollars left in the bank.

Today:
$5 breakfast.
See ya later Chaser.
Homeward bound for dinner.
Iron Man then Raygun?
Three dollars in the bank; maybe not.

that's it.

I'm gonna die before my 35th birthday.


Don't try and talk me out of it—there's no way I'm aging into oblivion, feigning smugness and wisdom while secretly wishing I was my teenage kid who may or may not be wasted off peach schnapps at 4 p.m. on a school night. No thanks, I'll check out early.

Cougar moms make my heart ache with embarrassment. They know it's a superficial world out there, but their attempts at staying hip and relevant only serve to accentuate their age. It really is heartbreaking. You can see the pain in your buddy's face when he introduces his blonde, fake-titted, bartender parent:

"Meet my mom, her name is Kitty. She likes knitting and body shots."

And post-cougar moms are even worse. Always forgetting their keys, wearing maternity clothes because they're "comfortable" and ignorantly falling for the most ridiculous internet scams. Not only are they older than dirt, they also begin clinging to old memories and compulsively redecorating.

Finally, those who make it to the end have a whole new set of degrading problems to deal with. Falling down. Broken hips. Shitting your pants. Forgetting the names of your grandchildren. Spider veins, old spots, wrinkles and saggy chins. OH JOY.

So, it's official. I've got 14 years to live.

hey chase

what's going on?
what went wrong?
don't know why
might as well try!

well... no one ever told me i was gonna get older
turned 21 and i thought my life was over
took a long time to get where i am nowwww
but i'm not gonna sit around wondering how, NO!

sorry. got carried away with lyrics there. CONFESSION: i had this ridiculous urge to call you tonight but chickened out cause maybe you're hangin out with ridiculously cool people and thus have no time or patience for losers who listen to ska/punk music.

so instead of a phone call you're getting a semi-drunk facebook message saying CONGRATS! you made it—you're officially one step closer to becoming a rock star. i know that's like, super old news, but the end of exams is only beginning to sink in for me.

i absolutely destroyed my last undergrad exam on friday so i'm feeling pretty good about life at the moment. i've been keeping my party hat on full time, drinkin bambino and homemade margaritas, plus nicholi's back in town for the week.

anyway, my bed's starting to feel pretty comfy right now but i am so totally pumped for your return to londontowne. keep on rocking in the free world and do doodle-do do _____?


INTERESTING FACT: Chase rolls into town at 7:45 tonight.
Blonde boy moves away from London forever tomorrow afternoon.

sun is in the sky (oh why oh why?)

I am spring cleaning in my underwear, dancing around my apartment and listening to Lily Allen real real loudy like. You're jealous, I know.

you make me weightless

When I get home I float around my whole living room.

300th post

This picture appears in an Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlet:



Today is 420 yay big celebration in Vic park. Some guy that worked for A Channel was wielding a TV camera watching us blow bubbles at randoms. A guy with bright green spikes in his hair named Lupi showed us magic tricks and chainsmoked Belmonts saying he didn't smoke weed anymore. "It's not for me," he said.

Hundreds of stupid hippy stoner/scene/punker kids. People were playing music and playing hide and go seek and hackeysack, pretty much acting like children. There were handstands and backflips and other amateur acrobatics abound. Somebody yelled Marco and my voice cracked when I yelled Polo.

It occurred to me while tripping out looking at grass that I should be tending to my blog over the summer because when I move to big scary Vancity I won't have friends to hang out with or various bar patios to inhabit. I'll be mostly alone and kind of anti-social with no groups of neighbours and other strange but familiar folk to wave at in the park.

Other moments to note:
Dan in Real Life (Friday)
Darwin's Birthday (Saturday)
Sushi and pad thai (Sunday)
Raygun at Call the Office (tonight)

making humans = scary

This happened yesterday:


We had breakfast at the $5 place (which includes juice and tax!) and played hackeysack in Vic Park whilst smoking a bubblegum flavoured joint. The sun was out 2000% and I made the intelligent decision of wearing shorts. Go me. Darwin suggested a beach adventure which the blonde boy and myself enthusiastically supported.

So we're flying down the backroads, listening to both versions of "Boys in the Hood." I was slightly bitter about being armwrestled out of sitting shotgun, but whatever I spread out in the back seat. Drank tallboy cans of Stella in the sunshine and peed behind a sand dune. Ate burgers with pizza for dinner, got attacked by out-of-season mosquitos and headed back to London around 8ish.

I showered for the first time in 48 hours. Drinks and Dr. Mario competitions prevail. More people arrive at our house and we decide cheap drinks at GTs will dictate the rest of our evening. $2 vodka cranberries. I dance, play pool, and fall flat on my face. Twice. This morning my legs were covered in itchy welts and oversized bruises.

I guess I'll skip the shorts today.

cosmoland

An excerpt from my last essay.
It's about Cosmopolitan:

"In a fairy tale a child may, with the help of a talking animal or magic amulet, cross a kingdom to find a spell that can save his village. We suggest that similarly in Cosmo-land, as in advertising land, fashionable colour coordination and abstract, shiny, clean settings populated by beautiful people, signify a different reality in which lipstick, nail polish and shampoo can take on the powers of the magic amulet," (Machin and Thornborrow 2003, 460).

Wow. I'm SO stoned right now.