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I don't care if you hate extended dream monologues; my first dream of 2009 turned out extra delusional so I'm especially compelled to share it with you.

First things first: this heinously rich family owns a construction company in London. They are known for living in a suburbanized castle and donating large sums of money to the university and/or any other cause that rings their doorbell. I'm exaggerating slightly but whatever I went to school with the kids.

(This is background information and wasn't explained during my dream, PS).

Anyway, my subconscious decided this family had a hidden step son locked away in their basement. The child was evidently born without legs, and exhibited a number of disabilities and/or illnesses. In my dream, my dad found out about this poor differently-abled individual and decided to rescue him.

My father successfully released the hostage and proceeded to adopt the unnamed person into our family. This was especially awkward because my dad and the guy seemed similar in age? They became best friends and watched bowling together. The end.


In other news, my flight back to Vancouver was despicably uncomfortable. I was seated in the aisle beside a couple and an infant that presumably belonged to them. Just seconds before take-off, their newly created offspring decided to puke all over itself. Predictably, it screamed and cried and smelled like human waste.

Between lengthy visits to the washroom, this child repeatedly grabbed at my hair and ears. Instead of asking me to step into the aisle to let him in and out of the seat, the father would reach over me while saying "oh sorry—just need to grab some wipes." BARF. The plane also made generous stops in Calgary and Kelowna just to add to my misery.

All this while nursing a particularly brutal hangover caused by 2008's last retro night at Call the Office. There were still Stobie's pizza stains on my jeans. Goodtimes.